my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
