YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
