I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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