i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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