Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
