I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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