Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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