im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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