And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
this is an emotional support booty call
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
