I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
