hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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