As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
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please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
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The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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