Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
