The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
no you cant smoke seaweed
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
