Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
