I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
