Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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