maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
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Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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