The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
