Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
