Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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