just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
