I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
