Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
