Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
