I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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