apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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