Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
