But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
