Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
