My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We were destined to go to rehab together
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..