Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
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so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
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It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.