How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
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The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.