toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
