i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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