I like my sex mixed with concussions.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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