I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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