Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
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I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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