what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
