Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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