when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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