I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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