i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
