i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
