My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
