nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
