i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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