Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
