Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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