They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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