Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
