I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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