guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
