You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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