Please, let me fuck your mom
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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