ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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