A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
