Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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