Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
