girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
