Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
