And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
