so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
