i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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