she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
