why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
