There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
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