i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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