i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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