So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize