you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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