my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
