i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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