no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
